femmejosephine | Stiff drinks and stiff upper lips

This was probably a stupid idea that was going to get her killed. But then she'd had several of those in her life, and none of them were stupid enough to stop her from doing whatever it was she'd decided to do. And also, she hadn't been killed yet. She could hope it stayed that way.

Honestly, she thought she and Riley had reached an understanding of each other. They wouldn't kill the other person unless they absolutely had no choice. At that point, they would, and they wouldn't take it personally that they were having to do it or having to have it done. It was a cynical way to live, but it was the way that had kept her alive. And when she'd suggested having a drink and not talking about what they might or might not have done, she thought maybe he might find it to be a little nice to be able to not pretend quite as much. She did, sometimes.

So she'd reserved Phil's Booth in the corner and put some booze and a couple of glasses on it. Her waitresses knew if she claimed that booth, they were not to seat anyone in earshot of it.

Now she just needed to see if he'd show up.

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"So have I," he says. "That former partner I mentioned was..."

He's quiet for a moment. Kara had been broken for a long time before he met her and nothing he had done would have changed that, but there are still days he feels guilty for being unable to save her in the long run.

"She told me once I had to be the murderer or the boy scout," he says. "I couldn't be both or anything in between."

"Well, I was never a boy scout, so I guess that's out," Nikita shrugged. Killer, she'd admit to, but she sort of thought of murder as a different thing. Maybe it was just semantics to help her sleep at night, but she still made a distinction between the two.

"The people we worked for, the things we did -- they're not anything you'd want to be boasting about. But the gadget guy I mentioned, he told me once that it was possible to do what we did and still be a decent human being. Just, y'know, one with a few extra skills."

"I believe that, too," he says. That hadn't been what Kara was talking about, she had killed people just for the enjoyment of it and had passed it off as being necessarily when he knew otherwise. Disabling someone doesn't always have to mean death and John likes to think he's done a very good job at making that something of his motto in recent years.

It wasn't always avoidable, but he kept himself from killing people as often as he could.

"But it takes a lot of work to keep reminding yourself of that," he says. "To still see that side."

"It does," she agreed. "And it's harder some days than others. Especially when you don't exactly agree with the particular mission you're on. You can try to fight your bosses, try to argue that a mission shouldn't be run, but it doesn't generally work."

She paused. She'd told Phil this, but not anyone else. It fit here, so she'd say it.

"That's actually why I was scheduled to not come back from that mission I mentioned. I refused to kill too many innocent people and was considered a liability."

John nods and is quiet at first, knowing they're sharing a lot of information with each other, even in the vague and still slightly coded way they're going about it.

"I think it's turning out we have even more in common than we might have initially realized," he says after a moment and gives Nikita a small smile. These things they have in common aren't pleasant, he wouldn't wish his experiences on anyone, but as always, it's nice to be reminded even in this he's not entirely alone.

"It looks that way," she agreed. She'd realized from this conversation that John, like Phil, might be the only person here who could understand what she could do, why she could do it, and why she didn't want to talk about it.

She looked at him levelly. He could make his face show as much or as little as she could, but she knew how to read faces, and she wasn't getting any untruthful vibes here. He wasn't saying everything, but she didn't need or want that. It gave her an idea of something that might be good for both of them.

"So, I have a proposal. Well, two, actually. And you can walk away without hearing it, or turn me down when you do."

John has never been the sort of man to walk away from a proposal without at least hearing it out, especially not when he actually trusts the person delivering it. In a place like Darrow, where his potential for work is generally much more limited than it had been in New York -- proper work, anyway -- he's willing to listen to just about anything.

He looks back, still wearing that faint smile, and nods.

If it's something he doesn't want to turn down, he'll have to decide whether or not to loop Karen in on it. Chances are he'll have to, because while they've both kept things from each other, they've never outright lied either. That's not something he wants to start.

"First, there's a gun range here that doesn't have cameras in the lanes. I go there sometimes when I want to not pretend I can't shoot as well as I can. If you want to join me sometime, the offer's open," she suggested.

She was a damn good shot, but there was no explanation for her abilities that wasn't suspicious given the personas she used here. So, if she went to any other gun range, she held back. Maybe he did too, even with being a cop and having a known military background. There was skill and there was skill.

"Second, I'm pretty much retired. But occasionally, for the right reasons and the right person, I've come out of retirement. If you're ever in a situation where that might be useful, that offer's open too."

Riley had a rocket launcher. She didn't believe for a second that he always did everything by the books, and that meant he might occasionally need some backup. She'd offered the same to Porthos and Phil.

John doesn't mind people knowing he's a good shot, but he's also still working under an identity created by the Machine with his particular skill set in mind. Riley is a good cover, it gives him a believable reason for many of the things he can do, and so he doesn't have to hide quite as much as others.

But it's a good offer and so he nods to the first thing Nikita says.

"Thank you," he says when she gives her second offer. "That's an offer I think will probably come in handy every now and then. Especially when not all the work I do can go through the department."

She had hoped he'd agree or she wouldn't have mentioned it, but all the same, she was surprised that he agreed to both ideas so quickly. There hadn't been any negotiations, any discussions of who owed what or knew what. Maybe that would come later. Probably so, if and when he actually called her.

"Sometimes you have to color outside the lines," she agreed. "For me, as long as I don't go against my personal code, I'm alright with that."

Her personal code had nothing to do with any laws that might or might not exist. She'd been outside society and society's laws in various ways for most of her life.

"Personal codes never seem to line up with the judicial system, do they?" he asks. There's no judgement at all in his tone, because his own personal set of morals certainly don't fall in line with how he's meant to do his job as a detective. The law is restrictive and it gives too many rights to criminals. John understands the importance of innocence until proven guilty, but he's also seen too many extremely guilty people get off on technicalities.

So he tries to make sure that doesn't happen in Darrow. Even if he has to go above, beyond or below the law to do so.

"The judicial system in every country I've ever heard of is designed to protect the powerful and influential," she replied flatly. She knew that personally, because she'd essentially been framed and everyone had been ready to believe she'd done the thing she'd been accused of, mostly because of who and what she was or wasn't.

"Some of them pretend they're less like that, but all of them are. At that point, you do what you have to."

John smiles, but it's an expression without humour. He knows he would never be described as influential or powerful, certainly not in the way Nikita means, and he thinks that's part of what made him so good at the job Finch had wanted him to do. They had protected people. All people. Regardless of who they were or where they came from, if their number came up, they went to work. They put bad people where they needed to be and kept good people safe.

"I think we're very much on the same page there," he agrees.

Stiff drinks and stiff upper lips

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